Short Complex
by Janie3
Summary: : More fruit. Reappearance of our beloved Bagel Chooms. And two sexy vampires. Heh.


Title: Short Complex  
  
Author: Janie and Ni  
  
E-mail: SwtAzSugar46@aol.com / mhandler@ftgcorp.com  
  
Disclaimer: The Vampire Diaries and all characters C LJ Smith. If we  
  
owned them, would we walk all the way to WaWa in the freaking cold for  
  
French Vanilla?!  
  
Rating: PG  
  
Summary: More fruit. Reappearance of our beloved Bagel Chooms. And two sexy vampires. What more could a fangirl ask for?  
  
Warnings: Insanity. That should be warning enough.  
  
Comments: Thanks to an idea by Red.Created of Ttales.net  
  
We are insane. We are crazy. And we have spare time. ^__^  
  
Dun dun DUN!!!!!!!  
  
Notes:  
  
1. We have NOTHING against people who stutter. Ni's mother is a speech therapist. So : P~~  
  
2. You might want to read our other stories, "Orange and Banana War" , "Sweet Dreams" , and "Fruit Baskets, Straight Jackets, and Italian Vampires. You Figure It Out". You don't have to, as we don't make sense anyway, but it might help.  
  
3. Yes, we are insane.  
  
4. We love Damon. And Stefan. But this is our insanity moment. Ormoments. Or eternity. Whichever you prefer.  
~*~*~*~  
  
"I'm older than you, damn it! I'm supposed to be your BIG brother!!!"  
  
Stefan whimpered as Damon towered over him. thanks to his 10-foot stilts.  
  
"D-D-D-Damon. I'm s-s-s-sorry," Stefan stuttered, stumbling over his syllables.   
  
  
  
Damon growled, his face contorted with anger. "SPIT IT OUT, YOU TWIT!!!!"  
  
Stefan whined pitifully, cowering in the corner. Damon proceeded to prance around the room -yes, PRANCE - on his stilts, humming giddily.  
  
"I'm taller! I'm taller! I'm -"  
  
VRRRRRRROOOOM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Elena burst into the room (which is somewhere; we aren't sure where just yet), a chainsaw roaring in her hands.  
  
"I'LL SAVE YOU, STEFAN!!!!" she cried.  
  
"El-l-l-l-l-l-l-l," Stefan stammered, cheeks turning red, a vein bulging on his forehead as he tried to say her name.  
  
"Don't hurt yourself, Stefan," Elena warned. "We have to stick together!"  
  
The blond bombshell, decked entirely in tight black leather (again with our leather fetish.), rushed over to where Damon stood dancing a little dance, and proceeded to saw off the bottoms of his stilts.  
  
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Damon shrieked as the stilts broke beneath him, causing him to fall forward on his face.  
  
Elena threw down the chainsaw and gathered Stefan in her arms, soothing the hysterical vampire. "It's ok, Stefan. I love you. We'll stay together."  
  
He nodded vigorously. "Got to stay to-geth-er."  
  
Damon stood up, grumbling as he fixed his clothes, brushing a speck of invisible (yes, invisible) lint off his shirt.  
  
"You stupid, stupid girl! Look what you did! There is a SPOT on my nose! On MY nose! My perfect, beautifully, Roman-coin nose! How dare you! It's the pride of the family! And I'm going out tonight! I was going to be gorgeous AND tall! But you went and RUINED IT!!!" Damon bellowed, rubbing his nose, causing it to turn red.  
  
Stefan giggled hysterically and began to sing, "Rudolph the red nosed Damon, had a very -"  
  
"DON'T START WITH THAT AGAIN, OR I'LL GET THE NEEDLE!!!" Damon hollered, glaring at his sing-song brother, who miraculously was not stuttering through the song.  
  
"N-n-no," Stefan moaned. "Not the N-N-N-Novocain!"  
  
Stefan proceeded to burst into tears, his fear and disdain evident. Elena glared at Damon, whose eardrums were ready to burst.  
  
The older Salvatore brother picked up a piece of his ruined stilt and chucked it at his brother. But to Damon's dismay, Elena stood in front of Stefan, the wood bouncing off her chest, which then jiggled.  
Damon's left eyelids twitched, his eyebrow quirked, and he muttered, "J- E-L-L-O. It's alive."  
  
"Watch it, bud! At one time you WANTED my Jello!" Elena yelled. "And besides, that was a WOODEN stake! Are you trying to kill Stefan or something?"  
  
"Well, I would kill YOU," Damon murmured, "but you just won't stay dead. You're like a frikkin' Energizer bunny or something!"  
  
Before Elena could snap her reply, Bonnie BOUNCED into the room, arms full of food.  
  
"Look, guys!" she squeaked. "I got fruit baskets and Bagel Chooms!"  
  
"Bagel WHAT?" Elena inquired, adjusting her leather bodice.  
  
"Bagel chooms! CHOOOMS, as in DRUUUU-id!" Bonnie cried, BOUNCING up and down, her hair BOUNCING.  
  
Damon and Stefan simultaneously looked at the basket that rested in Bonnie's hand, thinking of the possibility of war.  
  
"DIVE!!!!" they both cried, -- get this - DIVING at Bonnie, wrenching the basket out of Bonnie's grasp, knocking her to the floor.  
  
"HEY!" Bonnie cried, BOUNCING back up. "That's not nice! I'm gonna cast some mojo on you!"  
  
The two ignored her, tugging on the basket, trying to overpower each other, when Damon yelled, "PROZAC TIME!!!!!!!"  
  
Stefan immediately fell to the floor, sobbing. Damon laughed hysterically, chucking oranges at his brother, who simply wailed under the shower of orange juice.  
  
Elena thought fast. "Damon, leave him alone. SHORTIE!!!!!!"  
  
Damon's eyes bulged, and he grabbed a banana and waved it menacingly in Elena's direction.  
  
"I. AM. NOT. SHORT." Damon enunciated. He then dropped the banana and dashed into the other room.  
  
When he returned, Damon stumbled into the room. At first, the others were confused, but they soon realized that Damon was wearing red, Stiletto heel shoes.  
  
Elena gasped, "THOSE ARE MY GUCCI SHOES! TAKE THEM OFF! BEFORE YOU BREAK THE HEEL!"  
  
"NO!" Damon yelled. "THEY MAKE ME TALLER!"  
  
Elena roared and chucked a wooden stake (aka stilt) at Damon. The vampire dodged, falling on his ass, but the stake hit his finger. Do not ask how; we do not know.  
  
"OOOOOOWWWWWWIEEE!!!!!!!!!!" Damon called.  
  
Bonnie giggled and BOUNCED over to Damon to inspect.  
  
"Someone got an owwy?" she asked, twirling her BOUNCING curls.  
  
Damon shuddered, remembering his nightmare about Bonnie. He scooted himself away from her and nodded. "I got a splinter! And I hurt my perfect ass!"  
  
Suddenly, Meredith burst in. "TRAINED MEDICAL STUDENT, AT YOUR SERVICE!"  
  
"Where the hell did she come from?" everyone said simultaneously, while Bonnie just BOUNCED and giggled.  
  
"Want a CHOOOOM, Meredith?" Bonnie offered.  
  
"A what?" Meredith asked, momentarily forgetting her injured patient.  
  
"A CHOOOOM!" Bonnie sighed exasperatedly.  
  
"A what?"  
  
"A -"  
  
"Forget it," Elena interrupted. She inspected her nails with fascination.  
  
Matt meandered in, and he stared at Damon's feet.  
  
"What's with the shoes?" he asked.  
  
"They're MINE," Damon hissed, glaring pointedly at Elena, who shrugged and fixed her boobs. "Let me borrow your car, human boy."  
  
Matt then burst into tears. "WHY DOES EVERYONE BORROW MY CAR?! CAN'T I EVER DRIVE MY CAR?! CAN'T YOU GET YOUR OWN CAR?! WHAT HAPPENED TO THE FERRARI?!"  
  
Damon kicked Matt, who immediately shut up.  
  
Meredith came around and stalked over to Damon. She grabbed his finger and pulled tweezers out of thin air, and she pulled the splinter out.  
  
"This might get infected," she mumbled.  
  
Alaric, with impeccable timing, arrived on the scene. "I believe that this requires great amounts of scientific-"  
  
"SHUT UP!" everyone cried, for once in perfect agreement.  
  
Stefan sobbed, chocking on air. "NO ONE IS PAYING ATTENTION TO ME AND MY PROBLEMS!"  
  
Elena sighed and began to pet his hair, coaxing, "Don't worry, Stefan. We can go to bed..."  
  
The two rushed out, Elena grabbing her shoes off Damon's feet.  
  
"NO!" Damon cried. "I am short again."  
  
"Hey, I'm short, too!" Bonnie said with sudden realization, her eyes lighting up.  
  
"No!" Damon twitched. "We. have. something. in common."  
  
"Choom?" Bonnie offered, BOUNCING.  
  
Damon made an instant-fast decision and roared, "STOP. BOUNCING. IT IS ANNOYING."  
  
Bonnie sighed and began to eat her Bagel Chooms.  
  
Damon, still short, stormed out of the house, in search of an easy-grow something or other.  
  
~*~*~*~ 


End file.
